In my last post I have been talking about the importance of routines, procedures and rules in your classes and also about how one size doesn't fit all when it comes to consequences. Check out the first part here
So let's come to the third point, I was talking about. All the consequences of the world will not help if you don't follow through.
This is the biggest mistake I see especially new teachers make. And believe me I was the queen in this field!
When we are young and take on our first classes we want to be the teacher we never had.
We tell ourselves we will be cool, we will be fun, everyone will love us, we will be like friends.
The problem with this is ... the children have enough friends their own age. They don't need you to be their friend. They need you to be their guide!
"But I don't want to be the mean one, I don't want to give out consequences, they won't like me if I do"
I totally get that! This is exactly what I thought. But here's the deal:
How seriously are you taking your friends? Is what they say always a top priority and something to have to listen to? Or is it more like, thanks my friend and then I'll decide what I want to do? Because after all you are my friend, you will understand and not get mad...
The teachers who had the biggest problems with behaviour in their classrooms were those who were reluctant to follow through and tried to be friends with the kids. I was one of them. Until I had a class that almost made me quit my job as a teacher. I dreaded coming to school. I hated every minute of it. I counted the seconds until the class would be over ... and when I asked the kids who were the most disruptive why they were acting like this, the kids themselves told me that they really liked me, but that I was too nice!
Now that blew my mind. A little child would tell me I was too nice and that I would have to set boundaries, because that's what they wanted. Wow!
That day changed everything for me. I was not able to turn that class around, but at least I didn't leave my job to find a new profession, but rather I was determined to not let this happen again.
And believe me, it was not easy. I felt very bad the first times I gave out consequences. It didn't feel like being myself. I felt like they will hate me. Until I understood that it was far from true. The kids absolutely loved my classes and kept on asking the parents and fellow teachers when the next English lesson would be. And they would make a sad face if it was next week.
The secret is to not be too nice, but also not too strict (easier said then done!), but above all to be fair!
So those are the three points you should have a look at to see if you are having those things figured out.
Now let me share what we do in our school with children who chose a wrong behavior to meet their needs. We don't give stickers to those who are behaving well (yes that might work short term, but I'm not here for the short term results, I want the kids to learn for life).
We also don't give kids red cards for bad behaviours (yep, short term success in most cases - but again ... in the end not really helpful long-term). We also don't send kids out of the room (that will more likely make the child wanting to take revenge later on, plus it will not help their development of coping skills for the future).
I know not everyone has this luxury but in our classrooms we have 2 nice and cozy armchairs (childsize from IKEA). Whenever a child made a poor choice, the teachers talk to the child and explain to him or her that it looks like they are not ready for learning at the moment and explain why the behaviour they showed was not correct and see with him / her what they could have done better. They then get to sit in the armchair and think about what just happened and when they have calmed down, they can join the class again. This happens in their native language as they need to understand what's going on. But as soon as this part is talked about, switch back into English.
You may think that this sounds like the silent staircase, but it's not the same. First off, the armchairs are in the middle of the classroom (plus they are comfy armchairs, not a wooden staircase!). The children don't get excluded physically. They are there, they are watching. But with this, it's them who decide whether and when they feel calmer and ready to join again. They are not told by anyone when the teacher thinks they can come back again, but they are the ones who are learning to listen to their feelings and when it's time to come back.
This approach takes a little while to implement as kids are usually used to something else and it takes some skills to notice when one is calm enough again to join. But the outcome is astonishing in the end.
If you have kids who are too excited to join, you can try a calm down corner with things like glitter bottles (or those snowballs that you shake and the snow is falling slowly to the ground) or play-dough, or even a couple of books. We also have a pile of used paper that kids can crumble up if they are frustrated ...
It takes some trial and error to see what works in your class.
These methods can still work if you are a teacher who has to go from one classroom to another. Maybe you can ask if you can leave a pillow to sit on in the class (or carry a small one with you). Or they can find any other spot that is more or less comfy.
There are seriously tons of methods out there and as I said before, not one size fits all. So you may have to vary the approaches depending on each child. But the ones we are using now are the ones I personally had the most long term success with.
Keep one thing in your mind though ... if it's one or two kids who are making bad choices, it's most likely connected to the individual child and you should try to find out what's going on.
But if the majority of the class is acting up, it's on you and you have to see where you are going wrong and how you trigger this kind of behaviour they are displaying. Examples could be boring classes, no clear instructions, no following through among many other possibilities.